if you’re sick of me writing about my manic highs and lows, believe me, i am sick of it too.
today’s soundtrack / it’s raining in new haven and my bike seat is wet and when i see you tomorrow it will probably the last time i see you for a long time
the sun is rising in an hour and twenty-six minutes and i want to cry.
today i had a large iced coffee and smoked seven cigarettes and helped b move out of his dorm room and carried around an opened baby handle of raspberry smirnoff in my tote bag along with my copy of delta of venus. which i had to renew it at the library and i’m not sure how the security guard skipped over the vodka while doing the bag check. it was a really beautiful day but off somehow, i think that’s why i kept drinking.
later i biked out to a show further out than i normally go, where elm gets less scary and turns into a quiet street shaded by trees. almost everyone i like was there and the band was a friend’s and sometimes you really have to just fucking move or something i don’t know. i smile really big and dance with my eyes closed at punk shows. the smiling is key because i don’t normally do that. afterward we sat outside around a fire and the moon was so big and waxing gibbous it made me feel like i was approaching full too.
i could make a story out of this but i won’t. i could make a story out of us but i’m trying not to.
always a good time for some jenny holzer on this blog
someone should put a bracelet on me that says i’m not allowed to fall in love anymore
everything is beautiful and everything is scary and new and ending soon but i still love with every ounce of my being. i walked home this morning at 9:30 in a flannel and old running shorts passing graduates in their long dark robes and i feel like my heart might burst from all the things i have lately been experiencing.
hello early dawn chorus
very slowly everything that i used to understand is crumbling / but one must remember one is loved etc / my mother had another bad dream last night, and told me to be careful. i wonder if there’s something in the water. this morning while i was washing my face i smelled something burning in the bathroom: it was a box of tissues my housemate had put on top of the cabinet; it had somehow caught fire, and was smoldering. so everything about me still smells like smoke.
a lot of things in my heart are coming round to full circle now.
waking up and blasting magic man to push all the sad out